I’ve come up to Bay View two summers in a row now to celebrate my birthday. Last year, I was also recovering from a pretty nasty divorce, and a trip to Bay View Lodge was just what the doctor ordered. Anyone who has been through the Big D, or had a troubled time in their life, should be required to spend a weekend here. You couldn’t pay for better therapy. You are truly able to get away from it all here, and much like Vegas, what happens here stays here. The scenic beauty of Lake Vermilion, or the Big V, as the locals lovingly call it, is a great backdrop for cutting loose and partying. We especially loved taking as many White Dog shots as we could handle (a favorite local pastime) and Toni-ing drinks into the bar. The tiki bar is a great spot to start the night out – last year as we sat out there and enjoyed the night, the bartender stepped away very briefly, and we witnessed marshal law breaking out. People jumped over the bar and grabbed liquor bottles; others were hoisted over by their ankles and guzzled beer straight from the tap. It was rowdy and out of control, but my guests and I were delighted and amused by the laid back nature of this place. If the crowd gets hammered enough, the kitchen will serve platters of breadsticks to try to soak up some liquor so you feel like you can drink even more. This year, we were treated to an impromptu fireworks display in the form of a couple drunks lighting some off from the lawn outside our cabin, which was a fun and celebratory addition to our evening of getting hammered and dancing until we died (or got wine-eyed). None of the doors work in this place, which is amazing – I was kicking in doors all weekend, feeling like Chuck Norris. If you visit on a weekend when the DIVAS are playing – get ready. We were treated to a visit by them this year. These sassy ladies will sing their way into your heart with show tunes and witty repartee. The cast of characters running around really cannot be described, but here’s my best try at a snapshot of the fine people I have met at this place over my last two visits: The Chainsaw Brothers, Bobby and Charlie –were working on the cleanup at the Soudan mine. Biggest men I have ever seen in my life. Favorite activities are taking mystery shots, pouring gasoline on open flames, and lifting women up to crack their backs. Pretty sure one of them also left their underwear on our lawn the last night. “I Just Farted” Jessica – an ambitious young woman who, alongside her belligerent drunk of a boyfriend Mike, got out of small town MN and escaped to Eagan, where she and Mike attend community college and live the American dream on a daily basis. Drunk Sarah – this lovely lady made an appearance both years although was in much better form the first year, when she walked around biting everyone at the bar. May or may not have rabies. Tall. Went home with some Persian pop stars the first year. Toni “Dick Stick” – this woman was a groupie with the band playing there the first year, and shared her most prized possession with us – a lipstick in the form of male genitalia. It was breathtaking, minus the slightly unsettling purple color. She also gave us some of the sagest advice I’ve ever received: “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. But, if you do, name it after me.” And, of course, “It’s a Kool. It’ll either cure ya or kill ya.” The Carrier Men – these guys were up both years, and are almost entirely responsible for the fun I’ve had at Bay View. They go up every year to fish and party, and these guys really know how to cut loose. There is one man in particular who holds a very special place in my heart, and to who I am forever indebted for helping me to get through a very trying time in my life. OLD TIM – the man, the legend. A two-time veteran of the Big D, Tim is full of life advice, kind words, real talk, and, most importantly, good weed. There is really no way to describe this man except to say he is your best dream and your worst nightmare wrapped in a bow of foul language and chauvinism. He single-handedly broke up a race war happening by the swing set this year, using just the power of his words. He is a poet, he is a scholar, he is a philosopher. He is passionate about the female menses. He will take you to a crescendo like you’ve never seen before, akin to seeing a double rainbow or a split embryo. This man is the only reason I recovered from my divorce, and he has taught me the true meaning of intimacy. I cannot recommend this place enough. If you like to have fun, party, get wild, and crescendo, this is the place for you. Don’t be an idiot and bring your family to a place that is made for us folks who don’t have one and don’t want you getting in the way of our good time. Insider tip: look for the sauna next to the fish house. Great spot to hide out with a new friend, if you know what I mean (wink). I’ve already booked for 2013 and am counting down the days.…